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Mr T
Mr T. Is a True Blue American Hero, as well as Earth's Greatest Hero. His exploits are legendary as a member of the A-Team. Additionally, he has fought Rocky Balboa twice and currently the two of them are tied 1-1 because that's the kind of Real Americans they are. A third bout between the two is planned for 7-4-24 to celebrate the anniversary of the founding of our Greatest Nation. His most recent exploits involve his single-handed crusade to bring the American way of life to the Virtual World where he goes by the l33t handle of "Night Elf Mohawk" and has shown himself to be a skilled computer programmer and hacker in the service of Truth, Justice and Capitolism. Mr. T's History in brief Born the last son of a dying planet, Mr T was rocketed to Earth by his Mom & Dad to help all mankind really pity fools. His superpowers include, but are not limited to, the ability to Pity any Fool, Making Hulk Hogan seem like a real chump, and wearing enough jewelry and chains to crush a small South American nation without breaking his neck. Surprisingly, one of these chains is made of the only material known that could fell the man-god T, a unique mineral composite known as T-lanium. To show his overwhelming superiority, he wears a chain of this mineral, coated in gold, as a sign to all those who would challenge his might. He first came to fame teaming up with Hulk Hogan to beat the living daylights out of Rocky Balboa after which the three of them went out for a drink and then proceeded to become the best of friends. Returning to the ring he again teamed up with "The Hulk", now large and green, to take on "Rowdy" Roddy Piper and "Mr. Wonderful" in Wrestlemania 1. Defeating them to protect all of America from bagpipe music and advertising on the asses of speedo's in one fell swoop. Eventually teaming up with the rest of the A-Team in pursuit of Truth, Justice and The American Way, Mr. T showed that he was not only bulletproof, but capable of seeming like a pretty decent actor when compared to the rest of his co-stars. When asked about the criticism that the team sometimes came under fire from with regards to the amount of property damage it would cause while doing good deeds such as...for example...saving a small cat from a tree, Mr. T responded with the following; Currently, he spends his time pitying fools in many major cities of the continental U.S. while occasionally teaming up with Lou Ferighno to fight crime. He also heads the congressional oversight comittee on Pitying Fools in other countries, and has been known to Pity Fools from other planets as well! Of special note is Mr. T's confrontation with Galactic Lord Xenu and his minions on Earth, the Scientologists. Notably Tom Cruise and John Travolta have been fought, and defeated by Mr. T, on several occasions. Their last battle resulting in a major drop in housing values in Louisiana, and being referred to by the U.S. Government by the code-name "Hurricane Katrina". Fortunately for us, with the help of the A-Team, Mr. T was more than capable of pitying those fools! Mr. T's Trivia * MR T trained Stephen Colbert in the fine martial art of Boxing, and also was his hair stylist for several years! * As a Night Elf Mohawk, MR T once actually single-handedly defeated the lead developers of World of Warcraft. * MR T is NOT afraid of Chuck Norris and has been quoted on at least one occasion as saying "I pity that fool!". * As a member of the A-Team Mr. T has never successfully shot anyone. * Mr T once punched a Honda Civic so hard it turned into a Chevy Pickup! * As the last surviving member of his species, Mr. T has still managed to integrate himself into American society remarkably well. You'd almost never guess he was an alien. Fools Mr. T has Pitied * Jimmy Carter * Tom Cruise * Rocky Balboa * Engelbert Humperdinck * The Immoral Minority * Hillary Clinton * Xenu * Walter Mondale * Jimmy from the Starbucks in Peoria * Chuck Norris * The Entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir * Osama Bin Laden * John Travolta * The Cylons * Santa * You * Mr. T has never pitied Stephen Colbert as he's no fool! Mr. T and You Just because Mr. T pities a fool like you is no reason you can't not pity other fools along with him. In fact, it's well documented fact that Mr. T is an equal opportunity pitier, who encourages all Americans to pity as many fools as they can. Preferable forms of pitying include, but are not limited to; * Inflammatory use of truthyness. * Destruction of the fool in question. * Destruction of the fool in questions property. * Wearing lots and lots of jewlery or bling.